Friday, December 31, 2010
Buying More Chapbooks in 2011
I have read a fair amount of poetry in 2010. Mostly American poets, full-length books. In 2011, I need to read more chapbooks coming out of smaller presses. If the global literary history is to be taken into account, this is where the most interesting things happen. And my own experiences in Kolkata and in this country aren't that different either. So, one of the things I am going to do in 2011 is to buy a chapbook every month. I love the form of a chapbook. It's concise, brief and allows for experimentations which full-length collections might not always allow. Although, most of the work I am doing right now are beginning to look more fitted towards longer forms like a full-length poetry collection, I still love chapbooks. I often dream about having a fine-art chapbook, collaborating with a visual artist. Maybe some day...but for now, I will settle for reading and buying more chapbooks.
Some Short Stories That Stood Out For Me
End of the Year Rant
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Poetry Submissions
2011 Bangla Reading Resolutions
1. Char Adhyay (Rabindranath Thakur)
2. Hansuli Bnaker Upakatha (Tarashankar Bandopadhyay)
3. Debjan (Bibhutibhushan Bandopadhyay)
4. Bakulkatha (Ashapurna Debi)
5. Aranyer Adhikar/Agnigarbha (Mahasweta Debi)
6. Ashtam Garbha (Bani Basu)
Morning Coffee
Morning-coffee with PB is one of my favorite times of the day. This is the time when we talk about literature, writing, academic work, politics, activism, art, film,neo-liberalism--basically all the things over which we have no control over--before we go on to take care of the to-do lists of the day. For one thing, we are both coffee addicts. So, it feels very nice to be still in a position where we can still afford at least a cup of good home-brewed coffee every day. I like my coffee without milk, and two spoonful of sugar. M likes his coffee with a little milk and no sugar. This is also the time when I realize what good friendship means. It is not about big, grandiose words. It is not about maddening excitement. But it is about sharing what stimulates me most with the other. It is about learning to expand myself, while trying to be in the other's shoes. It is about slowly nudging the other into creativity. It is about encouraging and nurturing the critical-creative in the other.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
"Fairytale Worlds"
I am not sure why folks say "fairytale ending", "fairytale reality" to suggest imaginary worlds where nothing ever goes wrong. I mean, fairy-tales are VIOLENT. And although things seem to work out at the end, they always do so at the cost of some immense violence done to at least one of the characters, mostly women.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Visual Space In A Poetry Manuscript
While reading Ilya Kaminsky's Dancing In Odessa, I have been thinking of the importance of the visual space in between poems. Kaminsky's book is divided into five sections, with broad title headings. And that's what the reader gets in the Table of Contents. Looking at the Table of Contents, it might seem that this book is composed almost solely of long poems. It is only when the readers go into the sections proper, does he/she realize that these broad sections are broken up into smaller poems, each with a separate title. One can read them as one long poem, or as smaller stand-alone poems. From the perspective of a reader, it provides him/her with some more breathing space. It allows him/her to stop after every shorter poem, process it before moving on to the next one.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
The Poem Sequence
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The Title: Inking the Hyacinth
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Exploring Directness in My Poems
I have just finished a workshop with Rachel Kann. Rachel's overall feedback to me was: I need to challenge myself to write more directly. I have been thinking about that a lot in the past few days. I do have a tendency to play with language, with the inherent symbolism of it. But I think my tendency to use indirect language comes from two things:
Monday, December 20, 2010
Revision, Taking Out Things
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Writing Notes in Poems
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Food and Growing Up
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Auto-Didacticism
In one of the list-serves I am in, there is a discussion on whether an MFA is necessary for being a poet/writer. Well, I obviously I don't have one. Although I tend to think, it's going to be nice to get a chance to read/write extensively as a writer-in-training for two/three years. And and and...it is my dream to get an MFA someday. Not because I think the degree will be prestigious, or I need another graduate degree. But it would be nice to get that structured time when I am expected (and paid) to write, write and write. It would be nice to be within a community of writers, it would be nice to get some intense feedback. Although from my classes at UCLA Extension, I also happen to know that it's not going to be easy. What I write/will write will not be easily accessible to folks. My politics, the place I am writing from will be lost to many (most). But still, it will be nice to have that time to write.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Revising Dissertation Chap 2
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Conflict, Writing, My Poems
Monday, November 29, 2010
Life/Writing...the Inter-Relationships
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Anxiety
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Researching Briseis
I didn't do extensive research on Briseis before beginning to write my poem. I did some cursory research from the materials I could readily get online. It was fascinating to realize that not a whole lot of modern writers have taken her up. And of course, in Iliad she does not get more than a few lines. I have long wanted to write about sexual violence.
Friday, November 26, 2010
I Haven't Reached the Doneness Yet
I agree the temptation to turn in the work the way it stands now is great. And who knows, there are so many publishers in this English-speaking world. Someone might like it. But that's not the point. I am not done with it yet. That is what matters for me. I have made some progress in the last ten weeks, and I value that progress. That progress, however, does not mean that I am done.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Longer Poems, Readers'/Editors' Expectations
About the workshopping part, I am less sure. Is it appropriate to impose on my readers too long a work? Besides, most of the beginning and intermediate writers who come to the workshops, are also learning to be readers. And here, I do have a distinct advantage over most of them, being a Phd candidate in Literature and what not. My graduate school years have succeeded to give me a kind of experience in critical reading of literature which I can't expect most people to have. But then, the question is, what to do? How to workshop my longer poems? If those are the only ones that I am writing?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Duck Recipe
The duck sat on my freezer for too many days. Meanwhile, I kept looking for recipes in the web. Most of them seemed too complicated for my grad-student kitchen. And then, I just decided to give it a try. I mean, you can't really go too wrong with the South Asian spices. Slow-cooking makes everything delicious, and somehow I happen to know duck wings should be cooked longer than chicken wings. So, here is my duck recipe. I still need to find a snazzy name for it. But for now, I will stick to the ubiquitous curry.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Revelation Friday
I have been busy writing grants and fellowship applications for a while now. I don't do a very good job of advertising my project or myself. So this is stressful. Also, I have lots of other bureaucratic things to take care of. I am not good in dealing with these either. Besides, there is also the anxiety. What if...what if nothing comes my way next year...how will I survive...how will I finish my dissertation...all in all these are not the happiest times for me. But I am trying to focus and take one thing at a time. It does feel good to be able to take care of my things from the to-do list. And I have been. But what is missing is that nice feeling of getting done.It's not that I am slacking off. It's just that I have a horribly LONG to-do list to take care of.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Why Myths? Why Fairy Tales?
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Putting Virginia Woolf in the Mix
I have been hesitant about putting the Virginia Woolf-A Room of One's Own poems in my collection. The collection, after all, is an attempt to re-write myths, folklores and fairytales. So wouldn't it be weird to put my series on A Room of One's Own in there? But then, I did. Because, while working on this collection, I have often felt the need to expand the meanings of the word myth. If colonialism hasn't been a myth, then what has been? If elite white feminism isn't a myth, then what is? As I worked through the poems, I kept wondering, myths are myths, after all, no? A myth is a representation, that is. A way to inscribe a mythmaker/writer's desires, dreams, frustrations and aspirations within the body of a story. One can say, it's not the real thing in that sense. Just a story. Something imagined. Constructed. Then isn't it going to incongruous to mix historical figures like Virginia Woolf with mythical figures like Cinderella and Briseis?
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Review:The Heart's Traffic by Ching-In Chen
Ching-In Chen’s debut The Heart’s Traffic: a novel in poems defies all attempts of strict categorization. As a “novel in verse”, Chen’s collection is neither an attempt to explore through poetic forms the fragmented nature of human lives and existence through abstraction in a language that is beyond the boundaries of our everyday, nor is it an attempt to write in seamless narrative a well-defined story with neatly identifiable beginning, middle and an end. Instead, Chen, who describes herself as a “multi-genre, border-crossing writer” and a community organizer, offers us a bildungsroman told in poems which themselves refuse to stick to any linear understanding of chronology.
Divided into four sub-sections, on the outset, Chen tells us a familiar story – the coming-of-age of an immigrant Chinese girl. Xiomei, who is haunted by the death of her best friend, Sparrow. It is in her attempt to explore the psychic landscape of Xiomei’s mind that Chen also ends up exploring other issues such as the history of indenture, the intertwined nature of family history and immigration history, race, sexuality, gender. In fact, in Chen’s poems, all these seemingly disparate strands brush against each other to form a complicated quilt where the “personal”, the “aesthetic” and the “political” do not remain confined within strict compartments. Needless to say, Chen does not flinch from writing about “big issues.”
Think of the opening poem “Cooled Ghee: a riddle.” Written in the form of a prose-poem, the poem invokes the history of the Chinese coolies in the Americas:
Long ago, two temporary fathers lived in an unmentionable land far from home. Under the tear-dry sun, the thin father from the North sang the songs passed down from his youth in his clear voice. The tall father from the South collected the elements of water, sand, dirt, and green for his stories with no end, no matter how wide the field grew in the night while they mumbled to their lost families. When the almond-colored father bent his waist to the rhythm in the field, his legs grew into tree trunks (17).
The use of the form of a prose-poem allows Chen to tell a story without losing its serrated edges – in metaphors, allegories and symbols. Thus, without being too obvious or didactic, the collection establishes one of the primary themes that will be repeated throughout the book—racialized labor and the role it plays in the cultural construction of the Americas in general, and more specifically, United States of America.
Later, in the book, Chen continues with the theme in her poems “Ku Li”, “Coolie: A History Report” “Coolly: a riddle.” The first one, a riff on the word “Coolie”, and the second, an invocation of a middle-school or high-school student’s social science project work together to impress upon the readers the fact that the history of Asian indenture in the Americas, and more specifically in USA, has been erased from the official history.
They
built the
railroad, but
couldn’t
go
to
the party.
They
were
sad
and
mad.
[43]
Obviously, Chen, here is exploring something as big as economic exploitation. But what is significant is that, she does it without falling back upon sentimental social realism. In fact, it is the very imagery of the coolies not invited to the party that prevents Chen from falling into the usual trap of sentimental protest poetry, while retaining the essential framework of social justice and anti-exploitation poetry.
Juxtaposed with the trauma of indenture of her ancestor, is Xiaomei’s own trauma of immigration to San Francisco. Here too, Chen explores all the usual issues of a post-colonial/ethnic poetics – colonial language, exoticization of Asian female bodies, loss of love and most importantly, what it means to be a queer woman of color. For example, in the poem entitled “Names”, Chen writes about the trauma of trying to learn a new language:
First to let go
of the murderous tongue,
end of the intimate and divine source
of the esophagus,
trained in the schoolbacked
wooden chair of youth,
ruler whack of pronunciation.
[38]
It is also not hard to see how, for Chen, writing about the trauma of language-acquisition is also a way to write about the traumatic nature of the very classroom itself. Or, educational institutions in general. A few poems later, in “A True Tale of Xiaomei”, she writes, “At school the next day, the girls would gather ‘round and I would unfold/The Great Outlandish True Tale of my pathetic mother,/ married off at age three,/ to an evil rich man as second wife/concubine./ How she squeezed sorrow out of her pounding chest./ How he beat her for that first daughter (me!)” Obviously, one can locate in here the usual re-cycled tales of an Asian/Chinese woman’s victimization repeated in here, but what is especially significant, is that it’s Xiaomei who participates in that myth-making. Thus, the cultural agency is shifted on to the Asian woman-writer herself, who participates in a form of self-Orientalization, only to debunk that very impulse later on in the same poem:
Never having a lover with my own family face,
I headed home to empty bed.
I cried for all the erasures within myself,
for the sand I had thrown on my mother’s memory,
for my hard back.
[52]
Thus, the tale that Xiaomei had churned out for her classmates about her mother, was, in reality, a form of erasure within herself. An erasure that is replicated in her inability to find a woman-of-color/ Asian woman to love. “Never having a lover with my own family face”, thus, becomes a somewhat indirect way to write about the essential whiteness and embedded racism of many of the queer communities. Xiaomei, thus, tries to make sense of her life within multiple forms of loss and amnesias.
Chen does not believe in making it easy for her readers. Thus, she does not explain herself, nor the cultural contexts she writes from. Yet, the poems of the novel write themselves in multiple forms—haiku, haiboun, ghazal, villanelle, sestina. The range is impressive, and reminiscent of the multiple cultural/historical/ideological communities/voices Chen is writing about. It is, as if, Chen is committed towards exploring the essential hybridity of poetic forms, in the same way she is committed towards exploring the complexity o the material she is dealing with.
And despite the complexities, Chen rounds off her verse-novel with a kind of hope : “Xiaomei dreams herself a clearing of green,/ a gathering of cool stone,/ a locking gate.” As she goes on to list the things Xiaomei dreams about, as readers, the readers ease themselves into a nicely-closed arc which, while preventing itself from providing a traditional novelistic climax, does offer some place from where “bruise-haired” women can begin to hope to be raised to “sea of sky.”
What Happened During the Hiatus
1. The first draft of the chapter 2 of the dissertation was completed, feedback received from the writing group. Now I need to go back to it and do the revisions before I turn it in to my co-directors again.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Cranky, YES!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Revelation Friday : How I Try to Write
Often times, it's hard for me to begin a poem. I would have a sense of the subject-matter or content, but I would have no idea about the first line. What that means to me is that, I am still not situated within the poem yet, my imagination is yet to assume specific details. During those moments, I find myself pro-castinating . No, I don't begin to clean my kitchen or my room when I pro-castinate. Instead, I waste my time on the computer. What gets me going then is, raising my ass from my bed, walking into the kitchen, beginning to brew a cup of tea. There is something in the tea-leaves turning the colorless water into a shade of honey-brown that calms me. It reminds me of the innate creativity of matter to re-create itself, to rejuvenate into different forms. I pour myself a cup of tea, come back to my workspace, begin to scribble, read a poem or two from the poetry books lying around (this morning it was Federico Garcia Lorca and Walt Whitman), and soon I begin to write. Not very good lines, mostly. But lines that normally propel the process forward, lets me get into the thick of things.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Kuntlesrroman II (via Lizzy Rosenberg)
Had been reading Liz Rosenberg's essay Journey Without a Map from the book Ordering the Storm: How to Put Together a Book of Poems. She writes
I like a book to open outward. The more personal and particular poems tend to come at the beginning of my books, and the more public and larger poems toward the end. I think our lives do this , if we are lucky. At the start, we are more self-absorbed, and as time goes on, hopefully we become more and more aware of the people and voices and animals and things around us. We want to open up, like flowers. And our books ought to do the same.This made me think about my own manuscript. It doesn't open outward in that sense. From the very beginning, it's mostly self-absorbed and outwardly drawn at the same time. Which, I think, is an apt way to talk about my life's journey too. I had laid claim to an "outward" life much before I tried to move inwards. Or rather, before I tried to find a relationship between the outward life I was drawn to and living-- ideologies, student organizations, little magazines, cultural and political collectivities, institutional structures--and me myself and my inner life. Consequently, a big part of my early youth was spent trying to write "political" poems. Which translates to, writing about people, places and times I knew nothing about, except as these abstract representations jumping on to me from pamphlets, manifestoes and books. There came a time, and it came pretty quickly too, when I couldn't keep on writing them. The political life I was living was too complex, the collective political activities I was participating in were too full of contradictions. I needed a different language to talk about them. And I could no longer afford to try to write "political" poems in that way. This was the time when I wrote some poems exploring my life as a young woman who was trying to find her space within leftist social movements and ideologies in an age when History had been proclaimed to come to an end (am I too old to remember that moment?), and my elders seemed to be too deficient in explaining these political realities in the language they have always spoken. For a long time, I didn't write at all. Except those on demand. And they were mostly "non-creative." I didn't know, again, how to find myself, how to experience my coming-of-age as a leftist when the Global Left was going through momentous defeats. I didn't know how to find that interrelationship between inward and outward. It is finding that relationship that now I call coming to voice. Not that one's quest for a voice ever ends, but I would say, it was the beginning of that process of finding my own voice. For me, it has been a lengthy, difficult and tricky process. I don't expect it to be otherwise.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tishani Doshi's Countries of the Body
A few days back, I finished Tishani Doshi's Countries of the Body. I have been trying to catch up on my Anglophone Indian Poetry readings. Particularly because, if I continue to write and publish, I will have to place myself within this argument at some point and I do want to educate myself before I go on to take up a position. I have been interested in Tishani's work, and I won't hide it here, she is a woman, and the very title of her book seemed like a possibility.
Her poems are well-crafted, no doubt. She is well-read, cosmopolitan (I mean, hell yeah, she has a Welsh mother, a Masters in Creative Writing from John Hopkins, and has spent quite a few years in UK). For example, she has a poem called At the Rodin Museum:
Rilke is following me everywhere
with his tailor-made suits
and vegetarian smile.
He says because I'm young,
I'm always beginning,
and cannot know love.
I am intrigued. But as the poem progresses, the language begins to recede more and more into cliches.
He speaks of the cruelty
of hospitals, the stillness
of cathedrals,
takes me through bodies
and arms and legs
of such extravagant size,
the ancient sky burrows in
with all the dead words
we carry and cannot use.
First of all, I am not feeling very good with the use of such words as "cruelty" and "stillness." For me, those words do not mean anything, and shows a lazy poet's mind which isn't trying to conjure up an image to convey those states of being. But also, I am wondering, who is this I? What is this I's historical location? How does this I locate himself/herself vis-a-vis Rilke or Rodin? What role does race, empire, class, gender, literary history play in that inter-relationship? Of course, as a literary scholar, who does museum studies on side, I can't help commenting on this total absence of delving into the politics of the museum-space. And this is what I find precisely problematic about Tishani Doshi's work. It's graceful, well-crafted, but has no sense of voice. Most of the poems have been written with a dis-engaged tone, which begins to sound like a celebration of the politics of apolitical aesthetics after a while. But it's more like, the poet is afraid of pushing her language to take a stance. Instead, she just describes.
I am inclined to say this is what one gets when one sticks too close to the American "Show, Don't Tell" maxim. For example, the poem The Fasting Season:
The rains have arrived
and my three aunts
grown maritally large
like watermelons
will starve and warm
themselves with prayers;
refuse water, food, spit,
and sex--imagine their bodies
as they were before
Beautiful! I have to admit. But I also cannot help asking, so what! I think, often times, when we push ourselves to ask that question to what we have written, that we also begin to delve into the possibilities and limits of representation in a particular form. And that's where, we also have to TELL. We cannot just stick to a kind of reel-realism which Tishani seems to be engaging in here.
Anyways, reading this book was important for my own self, and my own writing. It gave me a chance to think about how I want to write, and how do I develop my language that will accommodate my politics without encouraging a reductionist craft.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Too Many Incomplete Projects
Yawn! On the other hand, as a friend of mine reminded me couple of days ago, no one can bite an elephant all at once. You have to take it apart bit by bit. So, I guess that means, I should put another pot of coffee on the stove and go back to revising chap 2 of THE DISSERTATION.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
food/memory post
A possible topic for exploration? A Cultural History of the Phuchka? Sounds quite scholarly, no?
Friday, October 8, 2010
Revelation Friday
She said, with a sweet smile, and an accent, which only the old Anglophile elites in India possess, "Well, I am not an academic."
I hear this statement a lot. In different ways. And my answer is, "Well, you don't have to be. But that doesn't mean you don't really have to be aesthetically, politically, ideologically rigorous if you're not an academic. Also, if my academically (!) gained knowledge disrupts your basic presumptions that easily, probably the medium you're working in, is too weak to accommodate complexities. Which, I know, is not the case. So, what it means that, YOU are not doing the work, not thinking enough."
I do meet these people on a regular basis. Sometimes they intrigue me initially. I keep in touch for a while. And if after some time, they fail to stimulate me intellectually, I slowly withdraw. This normally tends to happen exactly during the time when these folks have just begun to like me a little bit more than the ordinary.
This is something over which I have ambiguous feelings. I don't think it's nice or desired to judge people based on their intellectual prowess. Or more precisely, what I perceive to be their intellectual prowess. But at the same time, friendship is not a charity. So, if an individual doesn't really interest me in the long run, I don't see any reason why I should continue keeping in touch just from a sense of duty or a feeling of righteousness.
I know I am opening a can of worms here, and the issue is not as simple as I am making it sound and read here. Hopefully in my future posts, I will be able to point out to some of the contradictions and complexities regarding the reality I am revealing here.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Reading Now
Right now, in my reading list:
1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
2. Diwata by Barbara Jane Reyes
3. Jalpai Kather Esraj by Mridul Dasgupta
4. Out on the Main Street by Shani Mootoo
Künstlerroman I: Why It Took Me So Fucking Long...
I said to a friend of mine recently that my sociological eyes developed much earlier than my writerly voice. I have been a reader forever. I learnt my alphabets pretty early, and had begun to read in both English and Bengali by the time I was three. I had written too. I wrote my first story in third grade, other short stories in high school, poems in college. But I never had this systematic urge to write in the way I do now. I would finish a poem in two days, and then I wouldn't think of setting pen on paper for another six months, and I would be perfectly fine with that. I wouldn't feel empty or cranky because I haven't written.
Also, I was a pretty active participant in the anti-SFI leftist student movement in Kolkata. Which meant, I needed to write leaflets, pamphlets, political analyses etc. These writings emerged from an urgent need to create a political community rather than a personal engagement with “creative” expressions through writing. During the same phase, I also began to write non-fiction essays on gender. Most of them were readings of cultural texts, although there was one which mixed a lot of memoir-style narrative strategies with political-sociological analyses. Although, I wasn't aware of these writing/narrative issues during that time. What I was more concerned about was this need to communicate a politics, a way of seeing.
What is more, I avoided the more writerly-literary types. I knew a fair number of them. Some of them I was friends with. But mostly, I preferred to keep a respectful distance from that “creative” crowd. Most of them seemed blissfully and pitifully devoid of any sociological observation, knowledge of social history, politics of writing and cultural production. And I conceived of myself as a politico, more than an artist/writer. Art was a personal thing. Something I enjoyed doing in my own time. Although, there was also this reality that I would be mostly take an AWOL from all my political activities (and school work, of course) during the second week of November. That is, the film festival week in Kolkata. Or during the days of Kolkata bookfair. So, basically the way I see it now, my early youth was a lot about this inability to create any kind of conversation between the aesthetic and the political. I think, there are complex historical reasons for it. It's impossible to delve into all of those in this blog post. But one thing I have been wondering, in the last few days, that if my being a girl played any role in my avoidance of the “aesthetic” and the “literary” during those years.
I saw myself, then, primarily as a reader, a critical recipient of art. Not as someone who is creating it.
I mean, by no means I am unhappy that it turned out this way. I don't think any writer worth his/her salt can write anything remotely worthwhile without being a keen observer of the “social” and the “political.” Or, if I have to break that statement, without an awareness of the fact that existence itself is a powered thingie, and as writers, in order to make sense, we need to be able to represent the ways in which that power works in forms. And then, of course, forms, in themselves are implicated within complex configurations of power. So on and so forth. If I hadn't spent nights writing leaflets no one really cared about, I don't think I would have ever felt the urge to write a story about a teenage girl's relationship to smoking. But still... why was I so evasive, and clearly nervous about letting out my “creative” side?
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Revelation Friday: Late Edition
It's highly unlikely that I will pass on a paid trip to New York during the Christmas week, or a chance to workshop with Toni Morrison or Amitabha Ghosh in January in Boston, but it's highly unlikely that I will show up for an academic talk after 8 pm by a famous white, East European known-to-be-Marxist male academic star or a mysterious female academic-alchoholic from my own hometown in mid-November Philly. I would rather prefer to stay indoors, curled up in my bed with a cup of tea or cocoa or coffee, reading, writing or yapping about things over which I have very little (read no) control.
And yes, I sleep wrapped up in my inordinately ugly blue blanket at least nine months every year. The three months I spend every year in Kolkata, during the summer, I have been known and seen to wrap myself up in a cotton shawl after 2 am. While the fan revolves over my head in maximum-speed.
I think, the word in Bangla is, sheet-kature.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Writing About Love: Why is It So Difficult?
Boy, it's so hard to write about love! Or, should I write instead, I find it hard to write about love? I mean, it kinda sou nds ridiculous, no? That very claim, that it's hard to write about love? Especially since we live in a world submerged in love poems and love lyrics? So obviously, there aren't a whole lot of poets who are having this difficulty I am having, right? I wonder, if this difficulty is also about my own discomfort about love/sexuality in real life? The fact that I can never feel at home within love itself? That I have always considered (and still do) love to be a very important site of patriarchal domination, and one of the very bases through which societies re-affirm and re-juvenate the patriarchal family? I know, lots of people I know will point me towards queer love, to the fact that lots of same-sex couples are trying to re-define family, and they are trying to do it from this very impulse to question patriarchal notions of love. I know I know I know. I know I should feel more hopeful. But is it just my problem, my inability to see the good things in life, that even in the way most queer couples i know and have met, lead their lives, there is an incredible pull towards fitting themselves within that very age-old notion of patriarchal family, while not letting go of a somewhat radical rhetoric of queerness? Not to speak of the fact that most of these people lead very consumerist lives, which never question the logic of capital even in the slightest way?
To get back to the question of writing about love, I think, one of the reasons I find it so hard, is because I have an inherent distrust of the love-language. The excessive use of the possessives in there. You are mine, I am yours kind of stuff. The politics of it. But what I am finding especially difficult is to express that distrust in poetic language and poetic forms. Probably because, poetry as a genre itself, has been so closely associated with love. The fact that poetry as a genre has facilitated, in many many ways, the institutionalization of that very love-language I find so problematic. I keep going back to Eavan Boland's prose-poem Against Love Poetry:
We were married in summer, thirty years ago. I have loved you deeply from that moment to this. I have loved other things as well. Among them the idea of women's freedom. Why do I put these words side by side? Because I am a woman. Because marriage is not freedom. Therefore, every word here is written against love poetry. Love poetry can do no justice to this. Here, instead, is a remembered story from a faraway history. A great king lost a war and was paraded in chains through the city of his enemy. They taunted him. They brought his wife and children to him--he showed no emotion. They brought his old servant--only then did he break down and weep. I did not find my womanhood in the servitudes of custom. But I saw my humanity look back at me there. It is to mark the contradictions of a daily love that I have written this. Against love poetry.
I love this one, because, amongst other things, it gives permission to me to question the idea of love poetry in my work. The text itself problematizes it. I love this sentence "marriage is not freedom," it's very close to my idea of what marriage is. But at the same time, this passage does not attempt to question marriage enough. There is an ambivalence about marriage, but there is also an acceptance of it. There is a sense of a woman's freedom coming face to face with her notions of romantic (heterosexual) love. But the lines don't push that sense of opposition enough. Instead, that feeling of contradiction is rounded out in the formulation "contradictions of daily love." As if, with problematization of all these things, there should also come a kind of acceptance. I find this acceptance deeply problematic, and er, defeatist. As a writer, this is where I want to intervene. What happens when people don't accept these contradictions as inevitable? And this is where my language is fumbling...
Friday, September 24, 2010
Revelation Friday
I am stuck with this poem I am working on. And I am anxious to get it done --- I feel I have been working on it for too long, and I need to move ahead with this chapbook project. I know that kind of anxiety is not good, but I can't help it. It seems like I know what to say, and where I want the poem to go. I have these vague images circulating inside my head, broken words, but I am struggling to put them all together in forms and language that will make me feel satisfied. At least for the time being.
I know this is very me. I get tired with projects when they drag on for too long. Although I know that in order for a writing project to culminate itself in the way I want it to, I must show up everyday, and put in bits and pieces of myself there, I am scared of that process. I am scared of the way that process exhausts me, leaves me drained, makes me feel incompetent and even embarrassed with myself at times. But it's true what I dread more is the ultimate failure. This feeling that I slogged and slogged and didn't really produce anything. Or I gave it up midway. This is something that I guess keeps me going. Consequently, in the last three years, I have only one incomplete writing project. A short story about a small-town girl that began and then realized halfway that I don't really know enough about the world I am writing about to finish it.
So, now that I have complained enough, I need to pour the tea from the kettle and sit down to write. At least try to write.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Submission Goals
It's more important to keep going back to the writing table, than it is to seek publication.
But, then, I know it's equally important to be published, once the work is "good enough." I mean, if Toni Morrison or Pablo Neruda had kept their writings locked up in cute little journals in their reading-room drawers, I wouldn't be who am I today. So, both are equally important. Writing and publishing. I still think, it's extremely harmful for a writer to seek venues to publish one's work before it has matured fully, but once it has, it's important to work for that venue with the same enthusiasm that one has tried to seek within oneself during the process of writing.
Now, there's something that I have realized in the last one month, while working on my chapbook manuscript. Even if I think that a poem is complete now, chances are, I will get back to it, and do major revisions in the near future. In fact, two of the poems that I have been taking up lots of my revisioning time are the ones which were accepted by journals relatively easily. In short, my perceptions of a poem changes over time, and it's important to value that process.
If you're wondering, why am I engaging in this long gourchandrika, let me just get to the point: I am in an aggressive submission mode right now. My goal is to submit five of my poems to ten venues before the end of this month.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The Fairytale and the Book
I am thinking about these questions more and more as I am working through my manuscript of poems. I started out with the intention of re-telling some of the fairytales/folktales that have appealed to me. Pointing out the gaps, filling them in. But now, I am thinking, that a mere attempt to re-tell these tales isn't enough. I will have to think through a lot of these things in much more details. There are lots of complexities within these forms, within the very processes through which I got acquainted with these forms, which can form the basis of very interesting poem-projects. But for that, I will have to move beyond the mere "re-telling" mode. This morning, I have been reading this micro-essay by Barbara Jane Reyes. I am especially intrigued by her concluding lines:
I don't know where the belief that spoken word is not poetry was bom, how it has been cultivated and propagated, but I do know that spoken word artists have been othered as the fictitious line has been drawn between them and the poets. When talking to students, I don't have the time to linger on where this cleaving began. Instead, let me refer to Juan Felipe Herrera's 2005 lecture, "A Natural History of Chicano Literature":
Your friends, and your associates, and the people around you, and the environment that you live in, and the speakers around you...and the communicators around you, are the poetry makers. If your mother tells you stories, she is a poetry maker. If your father says stories, he is a poetry maker. If your grandma tells you stories, she is a poetry maker. And that's who forms our poetics.1
This is a fairly self-explanatory statement that I try my best to impart to them. Poetry is not meant to be locked up in inaccessible spaces. Poetry is about paying attention, not just to the stories all around us, but also and especially to how these stories are being told.
While there are lots of things that are of relevance to me here, what I am especially concerned with, at this point, is her concluding sentence. We, as poets and writers, need to pay attention to "how these stories are being told." So, if that's the case, then it becomes an imperative that I pay attention to THE BOOK too, when I am trying to engage with the very tradition of fairy-tales. At the same time, when my mother read these stories out loud to me, wasn't she also exercising a kind of orality, which is different from the talk-story tradition, but nonetheless interrelated?
Now, what it means for me now is that, I need to work harder on this project. Read more, write more, push myself more. Oh well...