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Friday, December 31, 2010

Buying More Chapbooks in 2011


I have read a fair amount of poetry in 2010. Mostly American poets, full-length books. In 2011, I need to read more chapbooks coming out of smaller presses. If the global literary history is to be taken into account, this is where the most interesting things happen. And my own experiences in Kolkata and in this country aren't that different either. So, one of the things I am going to do in 2011 is to buy a chapbook every month. I love the form of a chapbook. It's concise, brief and allows for experimentations which full-length collections might not always allow. Although, most of the work I am doing right now are beginning to look more fitted towards longer forms like a full-length poetry collection, I still love chapbooks. I often dream about having a fine-art chapbook, collaborating with a visual artist. Maybe some day...but for now, I will settle for reading and buying more chapbooks.

Some Short Stories That Stood Out For Me

1. Brownies (ZZ Packer)
2. A Private Experience (Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie)
3. Little Jack (Anton Chekhov)
4. Mr. Z (Oscar Casares)
5. Devadasi (Rishi Reddi)
6. The Capital of the World (Ernest Hemingway).

I must add this disclaimer that I am not a great fan of Hemingway. People do talk about a lot about his investment in a kind of machismo, but what is often left out of that discussion is his investment in an imperial masculinity. But somehow, I think, this is a story where he is trying to problematize a certain kind of performative aggressive masculinity by showing its inherent violence. Very unlike Hemingway, I must say.

End of the Year Rant

I have been thinking about the place of "biography" and "personal history" and the role they play in writing a lot these days. I still believe that texts writers/artists end up producing do have lives of their own, they are autonomous entities in themselves. But at the same time, I think, our personal limitations (which, to me, are never merely personal), the limitations of our social location do show up in the texts we produce. I am realizing this more and more as I am getting to know more and more writers, and reading their works. Some people I have met before I have read their works. Some I have read before meeting them. In both cases, their writings were trying to grapple with exactly the same kind of crises they were trying to grapple with in life. I have also come to realize, if someone is trying to deal with one's life-issues in a less-than-honest kind of a way, that would show up in the writings they would produce. Even if the writers themselves are not very conscious of it. If someone is trying to deal with life primarily through denial and evasion, that will show up in the art too. In short, art provides an artist with very little respite in that way.

In my own case, the more I have gotten into writing, I am finding that it has become harder for me to pretend, perform in real life. I have to be honest in my opinions to others. I don't have any problems if someone doesn't agree with me or doesn't follow the suggestions I have for him/her. What I find difficult is to keep on going in relationships where there is no space for my honest opinions. Where, in order to keep the relationship going, I have to suppress them or lie to the people. In the last couple of years, I have let go of friends with whom sharing an honest space was becoming difficult. In some cases, I was realizing that our differences were so huge that any attempt on my part to be the real me would end up breaking the relationship anyway. I didn't want to spend my energy in fights and arguments, because with age I have become very very wary of the energy I expend in such things.

Although, I will be the first one to say that arguments and fights can be extremely productive too. They can expand a person, force him/her to rethink certain opinions and locations, and lead to discovery of things about one's own self and the world. In other words, I am not that much of a lovey-dovey hippie who doesn't acknowledge how fruitful conflicts and contradictions can be. But I have also come to realize that one can have engaging fights and arguments only when one shares a basic level of emotion and a political common ground with someone.

I know I am not exactly an easy person to be with. I can be "critical" of someone's work or decisions in life. ( I think, the trendy word is "judgemental.") I do tend to (over)emphasize a certain kind of ideological framework when judging my own or others' actions. And "ideology" is not exactly the word most people during these sad times of ours want to take into account. Although, these are deeply "ideological" times. In every fucking sense of the word. So, most of the times these days, I tend to spend with my writing and my books. Yes, I do have a few friends. And I value them over more than anything else in life. Yes, I write for them. At the end of the day, I hope my writing will have something to offer to the friends I love. It will lead them to see me a little bit more. Beyond that, if my writings touch anyone else, it's a gift that I will humbly accept. But I don't expect that gift from the world. And in the last resort, if my writing doesn't necessarily make me a better person, I have no use for it or any other forms of art in my every day life.

I don't write to please anyone. I don't write to impress anyone either. I write to know myself better. To discover and understand the world around me better. And the more I write, the more I believe that itself is a political act. Art is inherently political in that way. To deny that politics to art, is to be delusional.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Poetry Submissions

I haven't been in an aggressive submitting mode for a long time. Why? Because as much as I love reading and writing, I hate submitting. Along with all other aspects of po-biz. But but but...

I submitted five poems to five places today. I feel good about the poems, so I am keeping my fingers crossed. I have decided to submit to a few "better" places. Which means, mid-level to "big" places. By doing this, I am opening myself up to more potential rejections. But I think, it's time to take that leap. I think, I would have done this earlier. But the thing is, most of the "bigger" journals, need paper copies and a cover-letter to go along with it. The print-outs, the envelopes, the postage--I mean, these things cost money. Not to speak of the extra time. Which, as it shouldn't be a big news to anyone in my position, are both scarce in my life. But, I did it today. And feel good about it. Also, it was nice when the counter-clerk at the University post-office said, "good luck with those." These are the times I feel grateful for being in an University, in an university town.

2011 Bangla Reading Resolutions

Novels:
1. Char Adhyay (Rabindranath Thakur)
2. Hansuli Bnaker Upakatha (Tarashankar Bandopadhyay)
3. Debjan (Bibhutibhushan Bandopadhyay)
4. Bakulkatha (Ashapurna Debi)
5. Aranyer Adhikar/Agnigarbha (Mahasweta Debi)
6. Ashtam Garbha (Bani Basu)

Morning Coffee


Morning-coffee with PB is one of my favorite times of the day. This is the time when we talk about literature, writing, academic work, politics, activism, art, film,neo-liberalism--basically all the things over which we have no control over--before we go on to take care of the to-do lists of the day. For one thing, we are both coffee addicts. So, it feels very nice to be still in a position where we can still afford at least a cup of good home-brewed coffee every day. I like my coffee without milk, and two spoonful of sugar. M likes his coffee with a little milk and no sugar. This is also the time when I realize what good friendship means. It is not about big, grandiose words. It is not about maddening excitement. But it is about sharing what stimulates me most with the other. It is about learning to expand myself, while trying to be in the other's shoes. It is about slowly nudging the other into creativity. It is about encouraging and nurturing the critical-creative in the other.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

"Fairytale Worlds"


I am not sure why folks say "fairytale ending", "fairytale reality" to suggest imaginary worlds where nothing ever goes wrong. I mean, fairy-tales are VIOLENT. And although things seem to work out at the end, they always do so at the cost of some immense violence done to at least one of the characters, mostly women.

I am trying to finish this particular sequence of poems done before the end of this year. From where I am standing now, it seems I might just be able to do it!

One of my mentors pointed out, that a lot of my poems are about the inherent symbolism of language. I haven't thought about it before, but I would have to agree. I have been taken up more and more by the act of writing itself, the politics of the writing process, the political limits of specific modes of writing. What can a manifesto do which a poem cannot? The sequence I am working on right now, thus, is more about a world where fairy-tales begin to lose their meanings rather than provide a coherent way of explaining it. It's a slippery terrain, and I am still struggling to keep my balance intact.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Visual Space In A Poetry Manuscript


While reading Ilya Kaminsky's Dancing In Odessa, I have been thinking of the importance of the visual space in between poems. Kaminsky's book is divided into five sections, with broad title headings. And that's what the reader gets in the Table of Contents. Looking at the Table of Contents, it might seem that this book is composed almost solely of long poems. It is only when the readers go into the sections proper, does he/she realize that these broad sections are broken up into smaller poems, each with a separate title. One can read them as one long poem, or as smaller stand-alone poems. From the perspective of a reader, it provides him/her with some more breathing space. It allows him/her to stop after every shorter poem, process it before moving on to the next one.

In my manuscript, right now, I have at least five long poems. They are not titled separately (except for one). And even the one that is titled that way, I don't follow the one poem-a-page convention which Kaminsky does. When I was working on the manuscript, I thought, I don't necessarily need to go for that, since I am writing long poems. But on reading Kaminsky, I am thinking, maybe it is good to provide the readers with some more visual blank space. It makes it easier for them to process the individual poems, thus strengthening further the impact of the work I am trying to do. So, for the next round of revisions, I will try to use that one-poem-a-page convention, and see where it takes me.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

The Poem Sequence

Have been trying to write a series of poems which would chart the processes through which fairytales begin to attain contradictory meanings in the lives of Bengali women. I do not want to exoticize fairytales in my poems. Rather, I want to open up a personal/political history of reception of the fairytales from the perspective of Bengali middle-class women. It is an inter-generational history, and that's why, also has to be multi-vocal. I am struggling with the use of the pronouns in this particular sequence. There are too many shes. I am still trying to find my ways around it. One thing I have realized in the last few months. Writing is a form of art which needs intense engagement with the world. Craft is important, but it is just one element in the equation. What one needs to do is to keep on enlarging one's world. That happens with continuous interactions with the social world, and and and...reading. What I am trying to say is that, most of what we call inspiration, is, in reality, back-breaking work and successful appropriation of the work that is being done by others. For example, I had been reading Kwai-Yun Li's The Last Dragon Dance, a collection of short stories about the Kolkata Chinatown. The book is not "great" by any means, although very very interesting and raises lots of questions about diaspora and representation. But what it did for me was to give back a sense of place, which I am desperately trying to etch in the words of this particular poem sequence. Once the whole book would be completed, it would be interesting to go back and see how Kwai-Yun Li has begun to reside in my poems! Yes, I am the one who would be writing these poems, but I am not alone in this. I am, in fact, in writing something, thrusting my own voice within already existing collectivities.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Title: Inking the Hyacinth

For a while, I didn't know what the title of the manuscript is going to be. Then, I played with a couple. Now, I have settled for Inking the Hyacinth. Most of my readers loved this name, I have a special place for this particular poem. It was written during a time when I was trying to grapple with the idea of creativity in lots of different ways. But what is most important is that, this title represents in ways more than one the essential notions of creativity which the manuscript is all about-- the symbolic role of writing, gendered notions of writing, women, the different modes of resistance that one can embark upon through acts of creative expression. I am happy with it.

For the last couple of days, I have been writing poems which I am planning to include in the manuscript. I am hoping, they will go towards contextualizing the project a little bit more. The work I am doing now is exciting, but it is also daunting at times. I keep asking myself, will I retain my steam till the end? Do I have the capacity to move into such depths? I don't know. But I am trying.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Exploring Directness in My Poems


I have just finished a workshop with Rachel Kann. Rachel's overall feedback to me was: I need to challenge myself to write more directly. I have been thinking about that a lot in the past few days. I do have a tendency to play with language, with the inherent symbolism of it. But I think my tendency to use indirect language comes from two things:

1. Having grown up around lots of ganasangeet, and people trying to write "socialist-realist" poems, plays and stories, I have a tendency to keep myself deliberately away from what I call Red Sun and Internationale Aesthetic. I want to explore the political through different kinds of images, through different kinds of symbolisms. Hence, a lot of my indirect explorations.

2. Since I also write short stories, essays, and political pamphlets, I don't always feel the need to explore experiences and languages in straight, direct ways in my poems. I feel my prose can do that better, in a different way. What I therefore, try to do in my poems is to explore the abstract, the magical. I like to stretch the limits of an image, a word, a sentence, the inherent symbolism of a form.

But it is also equally true, my writing tends to get more indirect and immersed in language and image plays whenever I am not exploring something very deeply. In short, in my own writing, obscurity in the guise of beautiful language often follows my own lack of clarity about a topic. So, when Rachel pushed me to think about more direct ways to write my material, she had done me an immense service in trying to make me see something.

I am trying to think this through as I am revising my first manuscript.

PS. the word ganasangeet in Bangla means "people's songs."

Monday, December 20, 2010

Revision, Taking Out Things

KRA's suggestion was that I need to trim down my manuscript. I have decided to take out the series on Briseis and the Crow/Sparrow poems. Both of those series need more time to ferment, and more space to bloom fully. In fact, I think, both of them will do good as stand-alone chapbook projects. That way, the collection I have can also become a much more focussed one on fairytales/folklore and the Woolf re-writings. I have some ideas about the revision, let's see how it develops.

Have finished revising chapter two of the dissertation. Need to send it out to the co-directors.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Writing Notes in Poems

My post-colonial training had taught me to be suspicious of readers who want the "ethnic" writer to do the work of the native informant. I am against providing extensive notes for the poems I am writing. I don't want to explain the historical context of the Arun-Barun-Kiranmala story too much, I don't want to provide a glossary of each and every Bangla word I use in the poem. Instead, I want the reader to do some amount of work. I want them to look things up. I want them to think about the world I am writing in. But after getting back the manuscript with KRA's detailed feedback, I am wondering about certain things. For example, I have learnt that not only shouldn't I take for granted my American readers' knowledge of South Asian/Third World fairytales, I shouldn't also take for granted their knowledge of Greek mythology. Like, I discovered very few of my readers recognized who Briseis is. This made me think about ways of reading a lot.

One can argue that Briseis is a minor character. So it's not too hard to miss out the segments where she appears. But on the other hand, "missing out" on things also reveals ways in which we are taught to see things in a text. If an epic is all about valorizing male military heroes, and most of the readers go to the text expecting that and without questioning the basic premises of male martial heroism, chances are they would miss out on lots of things. What this means is that, any writer who is "revising/rewriting" into existing narratives, is also trying to show the readers different ways of reading the canon. As a poet, I have the responsibility of opening certain doors for the readers. And I should do that. If writing a slightly longer note helps me in that task, I will do it. Because at the end of the day, it's not my erudition that's at stake. What is at stake is that I am trying to show the readers that there are other things to think about while they approach a very familiar canonical text. That arrogance, that I won't really add a note to it, I would rather have the readers struggle through it, seems to be kind of an academic elitist exhibitionism which I can do away with.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Food and Growing Up

I didn't grow up eating lots of poppy-seed (posto) curries. My mother wasn't especially fond of them, and would tell me, posto is more of a ghoti thing. Meaning, it's more of a food that belongs traditionally to the people who are from West Bengal than us, the bangals, who are originally from East Bengal(now Bangladesh). Bengali cuisine is not something one easily gets in US. In lots of ways, Bengali food doesn't share a lot of the characteristics of Punjabi food, which has come to be understood as the India food in US. It's not as spicy, less greasy, more flavorful. Spices are used more to season things rather than to blunt the original smell of the vegetables, fish or meat. It does frustrate me sometimes that I cannot walk into a Bengali restaurant and order the delicacies I have grown up eating. On the other hand, I do like the fact that Bengali food hasn't been assimilated into the mainstream of American food cultural, the commercial culinary tourism. Whenever I cook something Bengali, I feel as if I am cooking up a secret, which I can (and do) share with my loved friends and only loved friends here. Today I cooked posto-murgi (chicken with poppy seeds). It is not something I have had ever tasted while growing up. But I would consider this dish irrevocably Bengali--the phoron (throwing of whole spices into hot sizzling oil), the poppy-seed paste, adding a little bit of sugar for the whole dish to have a caramelized taint. It does make me think about what constitutes authenticity when it comes to food? How does one take into account the regional/local/familial variations? What do those variations reveal in terms of the social historical and political dynamics of things? I made it based on these two recipes here and here. The result was delicious. The poppy-seeds gave the chicken pieces a very different kind of texture.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Auto-Didacticism



In one of the list-serves I am in, there is a discussion on whether an MFA is necessary for being a poet/writer. Well, I obviously I don't have one. Although I tend to think, it's going to be nice to get a chance to read/write extensively as a writer-in-training for two/three years. And and and...it is my dream to get an MFA someday. Not because I think the degree will be prestigious, or I need another graduate degree. But it would be nice to get that structured time when I am expected (and paid) to write, write and write. It would be nice to be within a community of writers, it would be nice to get some intense feedback. Although from my classes at UCLA Extension, I also happen to know that it's not going to be easy. What I write/will write will not be easily accessible to folks. My politics, the place I am writing from will be lost to many (most). But still, it will be nice to have that time to write.

There were also a few non-MFA people in the listserve who described themselves as auto-didacts. Now, I tend to think, anyone worth his/her salt in anything, has to be an auto-didact. There is no class, no school in this world that will teach one everything about something. What courses/programs do is to provide one with certain openings. My Phd program has provided me with certain openings. It had allowed me to walk in through some doors. And that is indeed a huge advantage over people who do not get that opportunity to have those doors opened to them by some program/course/school (it can be an advantage too, though:)). But what the PhD program had done for me was to provide me with time to read and think about the world and cultural productions almost 24/7. Think about them in a really intense way. If I didn't get that chance, I don't think I would have thought seriously about taking up writing. I would have written fleetingly, but I wouldn't have taken it up in the way I have done. But then, there were a lot of things I had to teach myself even within the program. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, if I have to sum up my opinion, it goes like this: an MFA wouldn't necessarily hurt. Because it would give you lots of structured time and space to write. It will give you a community. It will give you mentors. It will provide you with lots of openings, that is. Now once you walk through the doors opened by the program, you will still have to stumble around, teach yourself how to stand straight, and how to walk forward. Don't expect the program will do that work for you. But on the other hand, if you decide not to go for an MFA, that is not the end of the world either. You can still learn things.

There is no one way to writerhood. But whatever way one choses, one has to work damn hard, examine oneself closely, and get into the habit of being honest with oneself. Even if that hurts.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Revising Dissertation Chap 2

I am trying to revise chapter two of my dissertation. It is not proving to be easy. It is not that I don't have a grip over what I want to say. I do. But where I am struggling, is how to say it. A lot of the comments I got back from my advisor and the other dissertating colleagues is that, I need to paste more signposts before I launch into specific arguments. That is where I am struggling. It is as if I know where I am taking my readers, but I am not necessarily keen on telling them where I am going to take them. I think, I need to see some other dissertations to see how this has been achieved. Or maybe even book chapters. Natasha Tinsley's book? Christina Sharpe's book? LM's dissertation? That's what I will do tonight. Also, I need to make a quick library trip. Books I need to pick up:

1. Stephanie Li's Book
2. Louise Gluck's Ararat
3. Nationalism vs. Internationalism

Will do that tomorrow morning.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Conflict, Writing, My Poems

One of my co-workshoppers in the UCLA Extension class I am taking said something interesting about my poems. According to her, my poems have a sense of conflict which is largely missing from the poems she reads. This made me think a lot about readership. For one thing, I don't really know who she reads. But the poets I read and love to read, all engage with conflict, and sometimes multiple forms of conflicts. Maybe I read "political" poets more. Although, I would say, all poems, all texts are political. It's what kind of politics they are engaging in, and how, that makes all the difference. I am thinking, what does it mean to write about conflict? That there are inequalities in the world? That people who do not enjoy power and privileges question their own locations, and ultimately engage in resistance? That we all occupy contradictory material and subjective positions in life? All of the above?

Something I need to think about more.

This somehow also makes me think about Mary Pipher's book Writing to Change the World, which I just finished. It has lots of great insights to begin with. But, what I find lacking is specifically an engagement with the question: how does one write from a place of simultaneous anger and hope? What if one is expressing one's love in writing through an expression of anger? Personally, I think, Pipher is not that willing to deal with systemic dimensions of power. Consequently, she also does not think of writing as something that can sharpen the contradictions inherent within the workings of power. At the end of the day, although I don't think she intends it that way, the book ends up suggesting ways to dissolve the conflicts, rather than let them ripen.

If I have to be non-pc about it, it's a little too hippie-dippie for me. Although there were some great insights, from which I can learn. Also, she has a good bibliography of all kinds of books-- children's books, novels, memoirs---and I need to dig into some of them!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Life/Writing...the Inter-Relationships

Just turned in a fellowship application. Now keeping my fingers crossed. I woke up pretty early today, went out to breakfast with a friend. Now, that was nice. It gave me the opportunity to start my day early. Although the downside of that is, I get tired early too, it totally seems worth it. I have been thinking of something lately. I am not someone who thinks there is only one route to becoming a writer or an artist. The texts we produce need to stand alone, and they do stand alone. They are capable of producing meanings which reveal things about the world at large irrespective of the writer/artist's biography. But at the same time, I think, a writer/artist's lifestyle is written within the text. There is only so much one can do to move beyond the constraints of one's life. If a writer hasn't ever thought of the need to do something in real life, chances are he/she wouldn't necessarily write about it in his/her texts. There are, of course, ways in which that absence will be written within the body of that text, and that absence itself might make the space for a whole host of other writers and critics to step in. But that absence, itself, will be felt, no doubt. As a writer, I think, if I am being truly honest to my art, there isn't much option other than to expand, and keep on expanding expanding...

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Anxiety

I am trying to finalize some of the fellowship applications. A painstaking process, no doubt. But hopefully, after Dec. 1, I will have some respite. The next deadline is not until December 31st. Hang in there, I keep telling myself. But I am anxious because I haven't had a chance to write much. I have scribbled a poem for Rachel's class, I have been writing the essays for the applications. But that's all. I am beginning to realize how dependent I have become on writing not just for expressing myself or reacting, but it's the only kind of therapy that works for me. Cooking helps too, but only in very limited ways. I am anxious to go back to writing poems and stories.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Researching Briseis


I didn't do extensive research on Briseis before beginning to write my poem. I did some cursory research from the materials I could readily get online. It was fascinating to realize that not a whole lot of modern writers have taken her up. And of course, in Iliad she does not get more than a few lines. I have long wanted to write about sexual violence.

In 2005, I had written a fairly confessional poem on rape. The feelings in there were raw, and most of the times whenever I placed it in a workshop, it had the effect of total silence. I can understand the reasons. Sexual violence does have that silencing effect in general. But when it is explored in a poem, people don't necessarily want to deal with it because they are scared of treading on some terrible personal experience. I would be too. Then again, when personal experience gets written into the body of a poem (or a story or novel), critiquing that text is helpful, and I would say, even an imperative. Because in doing so, a workshop helps a writer to communicate the complexities of that personal experiences more effectively.

But by 2010, I am fairly ready to create some distance between my personal experiences and that poem. Briseis' name somehow leapt from the page. In lots of ways, I think, it's because I have been thinking about the kind of role an occupying army plays. Kashmir,Manipur,Jangalmahal,Iraq, Palestine...how does the occupation look from the perspective of a woman? I wrote the first draft of the poem, didn't do a whole lot of research. Because I didn't necessarily want the research to overwhelm me or the yet-unborn poem. Rather, I wanted to explore the basic premises of this character, before launching into an exhaustive research.

But what I found out was, I can't really explore the vicissitudes of Briseis' life until and unless I familiarize myself more with the realities of her life. The material details. The details can be tweaked to suit my purposes only when I begin to "know" about them. So, now I am trying to go back to the research work. Especially since I have the basic outline of the poem, and I know where I want to go with it, I also know where I want to go with my research. I have ordered a few books, couple of academic monographs, couple of translations of Greek plays, and I might just check out some more from the library.

And here is what I am using as my springboard:
http://www.stanford.edu/~plomio/briseis.html

Friday, November 26, 2010

I Haven't Reached the Doneness Yet

I have reached the magic number 48 for my poetry manuscript. Honestly, it wasn't hard. I have never had any problem in reaching the minimum words/page limit. What I struggle with is, keeping to it. I now have 64 pages of poems. But I am not done. I know I am not. I haven't exhausted myself writing. I have barely laid out the bones. A lot more needs to be done. Feeling the bone with flesh, blood, wrapping the organs up in skin. I don't want to leave anything untouched. Who knows what future has in store! Maybe this is the only book I have in me! That's why, I know I need to give it everything I have, exhaust myself.

I agree the temptation to turn in the work the way it stands now is great. And who knows, there are so many publishers in this English-speaking world. Someone might like it. But that's not the point. I am not done with it yet. That is what matters for me. I have made some progress in the last ten weeks, and I value that progress. That progress, however, does not mean that I am done.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Longer Poems, Readers'/Editors' Expectations

I tend to write longer poems. It is not like I start with the intention of writing longer poems. But as I begin to go into the actual act of writing, it begins to get very tricky for me. I discover curves and loops within the words, within the characters' stories, and I need to explore those complexities. As such I have no problems with longer forms. In fact, I am drawn to this whole idea of novel-in-verse, and plan to write one someday myself. But longer forms pose two problems-- one, they are harder to workshop. Two, they are harder to send out to journals. Because, supposedly, all smaller poems should be able to stand alone. I sent out some of my Kiranmala poems. While my poems build up on the very familiar story outline of the Arun-Barun-Kiranmala stories, I don't expect my American readers/editors to know about them. So, the question is, do I have to write notes/introductory lines about Kiran for every poem I send out about her? I am tempted to say, not really. I am willing to add a couple of lines telling my readers where I am getting that story from. The thing is, no one would introduce me to the Bible stories in their poems, will they? There is this cultural expectation that I will come to their re-interpretation poems after reading Bible. The same is true for Greek mythology. That's why, when I write poems based on South Asian/Bengali mythology/lore, I expect my readers to do that work. I do tell them the name of the fairytale compilation where they can get the story most readily. But I don't want to do their work for them. The same is true for the editors of the journal. I know here I am showing a kind of artistic arrogance which no one expects from new writers and poets. There are days when I doubt that arrogance of mine. But I keep at it, because that's who I am. I would love to write an accompanying note/artistic statement explaining my take on Kiranmala if any of the journals ask me to do so. But I am not interested in being both the poet and the guidebook writer for my readers and editors.

About the workshopping part, I am less sure. Is it appropriate to impose on my readers too long a work? Besides, most of the beginning and intermediate writers who come to the workshops, are also learning to be readers. And here, I do have a distinct advantage over most of them, being a Phd candidate in Literature and what not. My graduate school years have succeeded to give me a kind of experience in critical reading of literature which I can't expect most people to have. But then, the question is, what to do? How to workshop my longer poems? If those are the only ones that I am writing?

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Duck Recipe


The duck sat on my freezer for too many days. Meanwhile, I kept looking for recipes in the web. Most of them seemed too complicated for my grad-student kitchen. And then, I just decided to give it a try. I mean, you can't really go too wrong with the South Asian spices. Slow-cooking makes everything delicious, and somehow I happen to know duck wings should be cooked longer than chicken wings. So, here is my duck recipe. I still need to find a snazzy name for it. But for now, I will stick to the ubiquitous curry.

Ingredients:

duck wings
mustard oil
pearl onions (pink)
garlic (two fat cloves)
ginger paste
two green chilies
tomato (1)
clove powder
cinnamon powder
cardamom powder
fennel seeds
curry leaves (so that it tastes vaguely South Indian)
coconut powder
cumin seeds
paprika
coriander powder

Marinate:
Time: at least 30 mins.

--Wash the duck pieces. Pat them dry. In a large bowl, mix mustard oil, red chilli powder, salt, sugar and all the other spices(clove, cardamom,cinnamon, fennel seeds). I have no clue about the amount. I sprinkle whatever looks good to the eye and feels okay in the fingers. Throw the duck pieces in. Make sure the oil and the spices get smeared on the duck pieces evenly.

--Heat the oil. When it's hot enough, throw in the cumin seeds. Let them sizzle. Then throw in the onion-pieces. I had them finely chopped. The big advantage of the pearl onions is that, you will have to work real hard to not have fine pieces.

--Then once the onions turn transparent, throw in the green chilies, garlic pieces and the ginger paste. Add a little bit of sugar and salt. Continue stirring and frying for about 10 mins.

--Then add the chopped tomatoes. Stir until they all turn into a mush. Throw in the duck pieces.

-- Fry them along with everything else for about 20 mins.

--Pour some water in the marinate bowl (not a whole lot. Just a little). Mix the leftover spices with the water well.

--Pour the water in the duck and spice mix.

---Stir some more (for around 7 mins.)

--- Throw the curry leaves in. Stir some more (around 5 mins.)

---Cover the pot.

--- Take the cover off after 5 mins.

---Add some more water. Add some coriander and paprika. A little bit of all other powdered spices referred above. Stir them well. Reduce the heat to "low." Let everything slow-cook for 45-60 mins.

Duck done. Now eat. With rice. Plain or biriyani-ed. I settled for the plain. Biriyani would have involved too much work for one evening. It was delicious. If there's any part of this recipe that doesn't suit you, or any ingredient that doesn't work for you, feel free to change it. Make it your own.


Friday, November 19, 2010

Revelation Friday


I have been busy writing grants and fellowship applications for a while now. I don't do a very good job of advertising my project or myself. So this is stressful. Also, I have lots of other bureaucratic things to take care of. I am not good in dealing with these either. Besides, there is also the anxiety. What if...what if nothing comes my way next year...how will I survive...how will I finish my dissertation...all in all these are not the happiest times for me. But I am trying to focus and take one thing at a time. It does feel good to be able to take care of my things from the to-do list. And I have been. But what is missing is that nice feeling of getting done.It's not that I am slacking off. It's just that I have a horribly LONG to-do list to take care of.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Why Myths? Why Fairy Tales?

I often wonder about the turn my poetry manuscript has taken. Why is it that I chose to re-write myths and tales and old stories? For one thing, I have always loved them. Plain and simple. Fairy-tales, myths and historical re-writings/revisions are my obsessions. Okay. But then, so what? I am finding myself in a space where I can't really get rid of the "so what" question. So, this post is really my feeble attempt to think aloud through some of the things.

To begin with, I am a wee-bit uncomfortable with the "confessional" poetry. Especially the way it has operated within the feminist poetry writing practices. I understand their historical importance, the importance of inscribing the "I" within the archive. But at the same time, I am a little bit wary of it now. I think, the "I" in the confessional feminist poetry often becomes an exocitized "I." And even worse, it tends to reduce itself to an "I" which only celebrates itself, but fails to be self-critical. At least, for the most part. I have often gravitated towards the "she" in my more autobiographical poems. I have always felt the use of the "she" puts a distance between me, the personal human being and the poetic persona. It allows myself to see myself as a character, and thus analyze myself more, contextualize and historicize myself more. To what extent I have been successful only future and readers can tell.

The tales and lores and the myth also perform a similar function for me. They help me to de-familiarize my material by providing a relatively pre-determined plot-arc. Of course, in lots of my poems I have broken the familiar plot-arc of those stories. But even in order to break them, I had to operate within them. So, the fairytales, lores and myths, much like the metrical and line constraints of a sonnet, sestina or villanelle, puts certain constraints upon me. I find these constraints liberating. They allow me to re-interpret not only the myths and stories within whose bellies I am re-instating my own story-poems, but they also allow me to think anew the material from life that I am writing about.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Putting Virginia Woolf in the Mix


I have been hesitant about putting the Virginia Woolf-A Room of One's Own poems in my collection. The collection, after all, is an attempt to re-write myths, folklores and fairytales. So wouldn't it be weird to put my series on A Room of One's Own in there? But then, I did. Because, while working on this collection, I have often felt the need to expand the meanings of the word myth. If colonialism hasn't been a myth, then what has been? If elite white feminism isn't a myth, then what is? As I worked through the poems, I kept wondering, myths are myths, after all, no? A myth is a representation, that is. A way to inscribe a mythmaker/writer's desires, dreams, frustrations and aspirations within the body of a story. One can say, it's not the real thing in that sense. Just a story. Something imagined. Constructed. Then isn't it going to incongruous to mix historical figures like Virginia Woolf with mythical figures like Cinderella and Briseis?

But then, I also began to feel more confident about the fact that those imaginations and constructions are born out of the real thing (s), I realized. I mean, if there wasn't any patriarchy, Grimms Brothers wouldn't have written Cinderella in the way they did. So myths are historical to begin with. And history often takes the shape of myths. I played with the two a little bit, mixed them up, brushed them against each other. The way the manuscript stands now, there is a section on my "mother-poems." Three poems on Woolf, one on the Bengali folktale Arun-Barun-Kiranmala, one a re-writing of a Bengali popular lore. Apart from the fact that mothers do not necessarily cut very impressive figures in Grimms Brothers, I was also intrigued by the fact that "foremothers" occupy such an important place in Euro-American feminist literary criticism. It is almost a trope. But do we always need to glorify our foremothers (and mothers)? Is it possible always to have an unproblematic relationship with our foremothers? These were some of the questions I was asking in these poems. I thought, it would be interesting to see how my more "straight" re-writing poems look when juxtaposed with my Woolf poems. Hence, the section.

For me, there is no Grimms Brothers fairytales or Greek epics without the mediation of British colonialism. So if this manuscript is all about re-evaluating my own social, political, feminist concerns as a Bengali middle-class, (too) educated woman, seen through the lens of popular folklore, tales and myths, then there is no escaping the colonial history or neo-liberalism. Hence, the section on Woolf.

I will be curious to see what my TRUSTED READERS think about it. If they even pick on this particular aspect.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Review:The Heart's Traffic by Ching-In Chen


Ching-In Chen’s debut The Heart’s Traffic: a novel in poems defies all attempts of strict categorization. As a “novel in verse”, Chen’s collection is neither an attempt to explore through poetic forms the fragmented nature of human lives and existence through abstraction in a language that is beyond the boundaries of our everyday, nor is it an attempt to write in seamless narrative a well-defined story with neatly identifiable beginning, middle and an end. Instead, Chen, who describes herself as a “multi-genre, border-crossing writer” and a community organizer, offers us a bildungsroman told in poems which themselves refuse to stick to any linear understanding of chronology.

Divided into four sub-sections, on the outset, Chen tells us a familiar story – the coming-of-age of an immigrant Chinese girl. Xiomei, who is haunted by the death of her best friend, Sparrow. It is in her attempt to explore the psychic landscape of Xiomei’s mind that Chen also ends up exploring other issues such as the history of indenture, the intertwined nature of family history and immigration history, race, sexuality, gender. In fact, in Chen’s poems, all these seemingly disparate strands brush against each other to form a complicated quilt where the “personal”, the “aesthetic” and the “political” do not remain confined within strict compartments. Needless to say, Chen does not flinch from writing about “big issues.”

Think of the opening poem “Cooled Ghee: a riddle.” Written in the form of a prose-poem, the poem invokes the history of the Chinese coolies in the Americas:


Long ago, two temporary fathers lived in an unmentionable land far from home. Under the tear-dry sun, the thin father from the North sang the songs passed down from his youth in his clear voice. The tall father from the South collected the elements of water, sand, dirt, and green for his stories with no end, no matter how wide the field grew in the night while they mumbled to their lost families. When the almond-colored father bent his waist to the rhythm in the field, his legs grew into tree trunks (17).


The use of the form of a prose-poem allows Chen to tell a story without losing its serrated edges – in metaphors, allegories and symbols. Thus, without being too obvious or didactic, the collection establishes one of the primary themes that will be repeated throughout the book—racialized labor and the role it plays in the cultural construction of the Americas in general, and more specifically, United States of America.

Later, in the book, Chen continues with the theme in her poems “Ku Li”, “Coolie: A History Report” “Coolly: a riddle.” The first one, a riff on the word “Coolie”, and the second, an invocation of a middle-school or high-school student’s social science project work together to impress upon the readers the fact that the history of Asian indenture in the Americas, and more specifically in USA, has been erased from the official history.


They

built the

railroad, but


couldn’t

go

to


the party.

They

were

sad

and

mad.

[43]


Obviously, Chen, here is exploring something as big as economic exploitation. But what is significant is that, she does it without falling back upon sentimental social realism. In fact, it is the very imagery of the coolies not invited to the party that prevents Chen from falling into the usual trap of sentimental protest poetry, while retaining the essential framework of social justice and anti-exploitation poetry.

Juxtaposed with the trauma of indenture of her ancestor, is Xiaomei’s own trauma of immigration to San Francisco. Here too, Chen explores all the usual issues of a post-colonial/ethnic poetics – colonial language, exoticization of Asian female bodies, loss of love and most importantly, what it means to be a queer woman of color. For example, in the poem entitled “Names”, Chen writes about the trauma of trying to learn a new language:

First to let go
of the murderous tongue,
end of the intimate and divine source
of the esophagus,
trained in the schoolbacked
wooden chair of youth,
ruler whack of pronunciation.

[38]


It is also not hard to see how, for Chen, writing about the trauma of language-acquisition is also a way to write about the traumatic nature of the very classroom itself. Or, educational institutions in general. A few poems later, in “A True Tale of Xiaomei”, she writes, “At school the next day, the girls would gather ‘round and I would unfold/The Great Outlandish True Tale of my pathetic mother,/ married off at age three,/ to an evil rich man as second wife/concubine./ How she squeezed sorrow out of her pounding chest./ How he beat her for that first daughter (me!)” Obviously, one can locate in here the usual re-cycled tales of an Asian/Chinese woman’s victimization repeated in here, but what is especially significant, is that it’s Xiaomei who participates in that myth-making. Thus, the cultural agency is shifted on to the Asian woman-writer herself, who participates in a form of self-Orientalization, only to debunk that very impulse later on in the same poem:


Never having a lover with my own family face,

I headed home to empty bed.

I cried for all the erasures within myself,

for the sand I had thrown on my mother’s memory,

for my hard back.

[52]


Thus, the tale that Xiaomei had churned out for her classmates about her mother, was, in reality, a form of erasure within herself. An erasure that is replicated in her inability to find a woman-of-color/ Asian woman to love. “Never having a lover with my own family face”, thus, becomes a somewhat indirect way to write about the essential whiteness and embedded racism of many of the queer communities. Xiaomei, thus, tries to make sense of her life within multiple forms of loss and amnesias.

Chen does not believe in making it easy for her readers. Thus, she does not explain herself, nor the cultural contexts she writes from. Yet, the poems of the novel write themselves in multiple forms—haiku, haiboun, ghazal, villanelle, sestina. The range is impressive, and reminiscent of the multiple cultural/historical/ideological communities/voices Chen is writing about. It is, as if, Chen is committed towards exploring the essential hybridity of poetic forms, in the same way she is committed towards exploring the complexity o the material she is dealing with.

And despite the complexities, Chen rounds off her verse-novel with a kind of hope : “Xiaomei dreams herself a clearing of green,/ a gathering of cool stone,/ a locking gate.” As she goes on to list the things Xiaomei dreams about, as readers, the readers ease themselves into a nicely-closed arc which, while preventing itself from providing a traditional novelistic climax, does offer some place from where “bruise-haired” women can begin to hope to be raised to “sea of sky.”

What Happened During the Hiatus



1. The first draft of the chapter 2 of the dissertation was completed, feedback received from the writing group. Now I need to go back to it and do the revisions before I turn it in to my co-directors again.

2. The first draft of the poetry manuscript has been finished, and has been emailed to a couple of TRUSTED READERS.

I have been trying to process what I have learnt from these two first drafts. I am still a little jaded from the efforts (especially since I still have a lot of fellowship applications to write), but I will try to process those feelings here a little bit.

a. In order to finish, you have to begin.
b. In order to begin (and finish), you have to have a basic level of trust and confidence on yourself. You have to believe that you have something to say to this world, and what you'll finally produce will mean something to people around you.
c. Once you go thick into the process of writing (or making/exploring of any other kind), you will be forced to face questions you haven't faced before. You can avoid them, or you can delve into them.
d. If you avoid them, your work, sooner or later will show traces of that evasion.
e. If you take those questions by their horns, you will find yourself in spaces where you haven't treaded before. You'll learn a lot, your work will begin to attain an intensity it didn't possess before.
f. Your questions will give birth to new projects. You will literally see how one project births itself in the belly of another.
g. You'll find that your training (whatever the nature of it might be) has many gaps.
h. Your projects will demand that you do some more reading and writing.
i. If you take the challenge up, you'll grow. If not, your work will suffer. You'll try to compensate by being extra performative, you'll succeed. Mostly, not always. So it's better to prepare yourself for the hard work than to reveal before the world your holes.
j. It's essential to admit that you possess those holes. We all do. Then work to fill them up. A writing project does both--shows you your holes and then gives you a chance to mend them.

Now, before I lose all my steam, I better go back to that LONG to-do-list I have waiting for me on the kitchen counter.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Cranky, YES!

Not even my best friend will be able to claim that patience is one my strengths. I tend to get particularly impatient when I can see the end, but will still need to slog some more to reach that end in the way I would like to. So, dear readers, I don't have anything smart or thought-provoking stuff to share with you. I am tired and cranky and the things aren't moving as quickly as I would like them to. Instead, a poem by one of my favorite poets of the moment. Federico Garcia Lorca.

Farewell


If I die,
leave the balcony open.

The little boy is eating oranges.
(From my balcony I can see him.)

The reaper is harvesting the wheat.
(From my balcony I can hear him.)

If I die,
leave the balcony open!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Revelation Friday : How I Try to Write


Often times, it's hard for me to begin a poem. I would have a sense of the subject-matter or content, but I would have no idea about the first line. What that means to me is that, I am still not situated within the poem yet, my imagination is yet to assume specific details. During those moments, I find myself pro-castinating . No, I don't begin to clean my kitchen or my room when I pro-castinate. Instead, I waste my time on the computer. What gets me going then is, raising my ass from my bed, walking into the kitchen, beginning to brew a cup of tea. There is something in the tea-leaves turning the colorless water into a shade of honey-brown that calms me. It reminds me of the innate creativity of matter to re-create itself, to rejuvenate into different forms. I pour myself a cup of tea, come back to my workspace, begin to scribble, read a poem or two from the poetry books lying around (this morning it was Federico Garcia Lorca and Walt Whitman), and soon I begin to write. Not very good lines, mostly. But lines that normally propel the process forward, lets me get into the thick of things.

For me, it's this process of taking creativity by its horns that works best. A lot of the times I hear and read people write about the deeply "intuitive" nature of creating art. I agree it's intuitive to a large extent. But my own feeling is kind of like this: intuition or creativity doesn't really fall from the sky and settle into one's lap. One has to keep on doing lots of conscious exercise that would work on and develop one's intuition. By reading more, thinking more, analyzing more.

Yesterday, I got an email from the nice folks at UCLA Extension. I am one of the six semi-finalists for their annual Kirkwood Fiction prize. It does feel good to receive this recognition, even though it's very very small.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Kuntlesrroman II (via Lizzy Rosenberg)


Had been reading Liz Rosenberg's essay Journey Without a Map from the book Ordering the Storm: How to Put Together a Book of Poems. She writes

I like a book to open outward. The more personal and particular poems tend to come at the beginning of my books, and the more public and larger poems toward the end. I think our lives do this , if we are lucky. At the start, we are more self-absorbed, and as time goes on, hopefully we become more and more aware of the people and voices and animals and things around us. We want to open up, like flowers. And our books ought to do the same.
This made me think about my own manuscript. It doesn't open outward in that sense. From the very beginning, it's mostly self-absorbed and outwardly drawn at the same time. Which, I think, is an apt way to talk about my life's journey too. I had laid claim to an "outward" life much before I tried to move inwards. Or rather, before I tried to find a relationship between the outward life I was drawn to and living-- ideologies, student organizations, little magazines, cultural and political collectivities, institutional structures--and me myself and my inner life. Consequently, a big part of my early youth was spent trying to write "political" poems. Which translates to, writing about people, places and times I knew nothing about, except as these abstract representations jumping on to me from pamphlets, manifestoes and books. There came a time, and it came pretty quickly too, when I couldn't keep on writing them. The political life I was living was too complex, the collective political activities I was participating in were too full of contradictions. I needed a different language to talk about them. And I could no longer afford to try to write "political" poems in that way. This was the time when I wrote some poems exploring my life as a young woman who was trying to find her space within leftist social movements and ideologies in an age when History had been proclaimed to come to an end (am I too old to remember that moment?), and my elders seemed to be too deficient in explaining these political realities in the language they have always spoken. For a long time, I didn't write at all. Except those on demand. And they were mostly "non-creative." I didn't know, again, how to find myself, how to experience my coming-of-age as a leftist when the Global Left was going through momentous defeats. I didn't know how to find that interrelationship between inward and outward. It is finding that relationship that now I call coming to voice. Not that one's quest for a voice ever ends, but I would say, it was the beginning of that process of finding my own voice. For me, it has been a lengthy, difficult and tricky process. I don't expect it to be otherwise.

But as I was reading Rosenberg's very helpful essay, I was wondering about the dichotomy between the "outward" and the "inward" here. It is, as if, there is no dialectical relationship between the two. I wonder, if Rosenberg's explanation of the outward in anthologies has taken as its naturalized basis the autonomous individual who comes to awareness of the outer rather than the individual in complex dialectics with many collectivities. And if yes, how will that dialectical relationship work in an anthology which tries to explore the formation of the individual as a process rather than the individual himself/herself?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Tishani Doshi's Countries of the Body



A few days back, I finished Tishani Doshi's Countries of the Body. I have been trying to catch up on my Anglophone Indian Poetry readings. Particularly because, if I continue to write and publish, I will have to place myself within this argument at some point and I do want to educate myself before I go on to take up a position. I have been interested in Tishani's work, and I won't hide it here, she is a woman, and the very title of her book seemed like a possibility.

Her poems are well-crafted, no doubt. She is well-read, cosmopolitan (I mean, hell yeah, she has a Welsh mother, a Masters in Creative Writing from John Hopkins, and has spent quite a few years in UK). For example, she has a poem called At the Rodin Museum:

Rilke is following me everywhere
with his tailor-made suits
and vegetarian smile.

He says because I'm young,
I'm always beginning,
and cannot know love.

I am intrigued. But as the poem progresses, the language begins to recede more and more into cliches.

He speaks of the cruelty
of hospitals, the stillness
of cathedrals,

takes me through bodies
and arms and legs
of such extravagant size,

the ancient sky burrows in
with all the dead words
we carry and cannot use.

First of all, I am not feeling very good with the use of such words as "cruelty" and "stillness." For me, those words do not mean anything, and shows a lazy poet's mind which isn't trying to conjure up an image to convey those states of being. But also, I am wondering, who is this I? What is this I's historical location? How does this I locate himself/herself vis-a-vis Rilke or Rodin? What role does race, empire, class, gender, literary history play in that inter-relationship? Of course, as a literary scholar, who does museum studies on side, I can't help commenting on this total absence of delving into the politics of the museum-space. And this is what I find precisely problematic about Tishani Doshi's work. It's graceful, well-crafted, but has no sense of voice. Most of the poems have been written with a dis-engaged tone, which begins to sound like a celebration of the politics of apolitical aesthetics after a while. But it's more like, the poet is afraid of pushing her language to take a stance. Instead, she just describes.

I am inclined to say this is what one gets when one sticks too close to the American "Show, Don't Tell" maxim. For example, the poem The Fasting Season:

The rains have arrived
and my three aunts
grown maritally large
like watermelons
will starve and warm
themselves with prayers;
refuse water, food, spit,
and sex--imagine their bodies
as they were before

Beautiful! I have to admit. But I also cannot help asking, so what! I think, often times, when we push ourselves to ask that question to what we have written, that we also begin to delve into the possibilities and limits of representation in a particular form. And that's where, we also have to TELL. We cannot just stick to a kind of reel-realism which Tishani seems to be engaging in here.

Anyways, reading this book was important for my own self, and my own writing. It gave me a chance to think about how I want to write, and how do I develop my language that will accommodate my politics without encouraging a reductionist craft.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Too Many Incomplete Projects

Finished the long poem I was writing yesterday. A re-telling of a folktale I read in A.K. Ramanujan's collection. This is the first time I have tried to write explicitly about love, sexuality, political sub-culture, rebellion juxtaposed within an overarching theme of queer love. Not sure how it has turned out to be, but I can live with it for now. I have been feeling restless for the last few days. It's not that I am not working, but it's more like I am not finding the motivation to stick to a project and get it done. Part of it is the fact that I have way too many works-in-progress and while I know I need to finish them one by one to fruition to feel that excitement about something again, I also don't want to rush through them and then repent afterwards about the output. But, this grind is sometimes too much. The work maddening, and this coming back to the work-table everyday needs such huge amounts of discipline!

Yawn! On the other hand, as a friend of mine reminded me couple of days ago, no one can bite an elephant all at once. You have to take it apart bit by bit. So, I guess that means, I should put another pot of coffee on the stove and go back to revising chap 2 of THE DISSERTATION.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

food/memory post

I can't ever get the pastas right. Either I boil them for too long, or I drain them for too long. Something. Some little disaster always takes place when i am trying to cook them. Probably my MLM heritage doesn't go very well with Italian Anarchism!:))) My quick grad student food is rice. I put it to boil, go in to take a shower or check my email, come back after 10 mins, and it's all done. I am a perfect rice maker. And my comfort food happens to be bhat-dal-alu-dim shedhho, with a little bit of ghee/butter/mustard oil, green chily and salt. It's the simplest food one can think of. Just boil the potatoes, an egg, a cup of lentils, mash them all up together and with rice, eat with your fingers. Somehow, more than anything else, this simple mash reminds me of home and the quick meals my mother would often cook when an unexpected guest would drop by. Or those fever-filled days, when I would feel too sick to eat anything else. And of course, the boiled potato serves so many different functions in so many different kinds of Kolkata street food. It is one of the bases of phuchka, the basis of aloo chat, bhelpuri... and now that it's Pujas again, and my ninth consecutive year of not witnessing it, phuchkas happen to be one of the things I most sorely miss. Yes, my phuchka-memories are not devoid of people. But those are too complicated to write about in a food-memory kind of a post. But the thing is, I have never tried to make phuchkas at home. And I don't think I ever will. Phuchka-eating in the street signify to me a kind of public-culture of food which wouldn't really feel the same if made in the domestic space of one's home-kitchen. For example, phuchka is possibly one of the first street-foods which had always been associated more with girls and women than with men. know quite a few rabid male phuchka-addicts, true. But what I am trying to say is that, the kind of gendered norms that have historically prevented women from inhabiting the space of the street tea-shop or chayer dokan, for example, has never really been applicable when it came to phuchkas. Rather, it was always understood to be women's food.

A possible topic for exploration? A Cultural History of the Phuchka? Sounds quite scholarly, no?

Friday, October 8, 2010

Revelation Friday

I am a snob. An intellectual snob at that. No, I don't expect people to enroll in expensive schools, classes, institutions etc. to earn and accumulate intellectual/cultural capital. But I do expect them to make use of their brains, to think, to push themselves into realms which are beyond their comfort zones. And I think, all of these come from an intense engagement with life, which includes written texts, but is not limited to it. But I am especially annoyed with people who have relative material privilege and basic intellectual/cultural tools to do the work of thinking, but doesn't. I must say, the "creative" circuits in both India and US, are full of these kind. Like this filmmaker I met couple of summers back. She has made lots of documentaries, which are fashionably political, but never really push the buttons too much. And while talking about one of her films, I ended up asking questions which kind of problematize the very basis of her theoretical presumptions on which the film was based.

She said, with a sweet smile, and an accent, which only the old Anglophile elites in India possess, "Well, I am not an academic."

I hear this statement a lot. In different ways. And my answer is, "Well, you don't have to be. But that doesn't mean you don't really have to be aesthetically, politically, ideologically rigorous if you're not an academic. Also, if my academically (!) gained knowledge disrupts your basic presumptions that easily, probably the medium you're working in, is too weak to accommodate complexities. Which, I know, is not the case. So, what it means that, YOU are not doing the work, not thinking enough."

I do meet these people on a regular basis. Sometimes they intrigue me initially. I keep in touch for a while. And if after some time, they fail to stimulate me intellectually, I slowly withdraw. This normally tends to happen exactly during the time when these folks have just begun to like me a little bit more than the ordinary.

This is something over which I have ambiguous feelings. I don't think it's nice or desired to judge people based on their intellectual prowess. Or more precisely, what I perceive to be their intellectual prowess. But at the same time, friendship is not a charity. So, if an individual doesn't really interest me in the long run, I don't see any reason why I should continue keeping in touch just from a sense of duty or a feeling of righteousness.

I know I am opening a can of worms here, and the issue is not as simple as I am making it sound and read here. Hopefully in my future posts, I will be able to point out to some of the contradictions and complexities regarding the reality I am revealing here.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Reading Now

I can never read poems too quickly. Some prose-fiction, I can finish in seconds, but not poems. I need to go over each and every word carefully, stop myself to get my eyes used to the imagery, need to stop in the middle sometimes, and then roll over to the next word. On an average working day, I can normally read three poems well. I might gloss over some more. But that's not reading, that's more like preparing myself about what is to come next.

Right now, in my reading list:

1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl

2. Diwata by Barbara Jane Reyes

3. Jalpai Kather Esraj by Mridul Dasgupta

4. Out on the Main Street by Shani Mootoo

Künstlerroman I: Why It Took Me So Fucking Long...



I said to a friend of mine recently that my sociological eyes developed much earlier than my writerly voice. I have been a reader forever. I learnt my alphabets pretty early, and had begun to read in both English and Bengali by the time I was three. I had written too. I wrote my first story in third grade, other short stories in high school, poems in college. But I never had this systematic urge to write in the way I do now. I would finish a poem in two days, and then I wouldn't think of setting pen on paper for another six months, and I would be perfectly fine with that. I wouldn't feel empty or cranky because I haven't written.

Also, I was a pretty active participant in the anti-SFI leftist student movement in Kolkata. Which meant, I needed to write leaflets, pamphlets, political analyses etc. These writings emerged from an urgent need to create a political community rather than a personal engagement with “creative” expressions through writing. During the same phase, I also began to write non-fiction essays on gender. Most of them were readings of cultural texts, although there was one which mixed a lot of memoir-style narrative strategies with political-sociological analyses. Although, I wasn't aware of these writing/narrative issues during that time. What I was more concerned about was this need to communicate a politics, a way of seeing.

What is more, I avoided the more writerly-literary types. I knew a fair number of them. Some of them I was friends with. But mostly, I preferred to keep a respectful distance from that “creative” crowd. Most of them seemed blissfully and pitifully devoid of any sociological observation, knowledge of social history, politics of writing and cultural production. And I conceived of myself as a politico, more than an artist/writer. Art was a personal thing. Something I enjoyed doing in my own time. Although, there was also this reality that I would be mostly take an AWOL from all my political activities (and school work, of course) during the second week of November. That is, the film festival week in Kolkata. Or during the days of Kolkata bookfair. So, basically the way I see it now, my early youth was a lot about this inability to create any kind of conversation between the aesthetic and the political. I think, there are complex historical reasons for it. It's impossible to delve into all of those in this blog post. But one thing I have been wondering, in the last few days, that if my being a girl played any role in my avoidance of the “aesthetic” and the “literary” during those years.

I saw myself, then, primarily as a reader, a critical recipient of art. Not as someone who is creating it.

I mean, by no means I am unhappy that it turned out this way. I don't think any writer worth his/her salt can write anything remotely worthwhile without being a keen observer of the “social” and the “political.” Or, if I have to break that statement, without an awareness of the fact that existence itself is a powered thingie, and as writers, in order to make sense, we need to be able to represent the ways in which that power works in forms. And then, of course, forms, in themselves are implicated within complex configurations of power. So on and so forth. If I hadn't spent nights writing leaflets no one really cared about, I don't think I would have ever felt the urge to write a story about a teenage girl's relationship to smoking. But still... why was I so evasive, and clearly nervous about letting out my “creative” side?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Revelation Friday: Late Edition

I am scared of cold. I do fine in summer. I rarely have heatrashes, I never use sunscreen cream, I never wear sunglasses. My excuse for the last one is, I already have thick glasses, and do not want to taint more my vision of the world. But cold? That is another story. So, in middle-October Texas cold, you'll see me wrapped up in three layers—a pullover, a coat and a scarf. Oh yes, I have also been known to wear woollen hats which cover up my ears not just adequately, fully.

It's highly unlikely that I will pass on a paid trip to New York during the Christmas week, or a chance to workshop with Toni Morrison or Amitabha Ghosh in January in Boston, but it's highly unlikely that I will show up for an academic talk after 8 pm by a famous white, East European known-to-be-Marxist male academic star or a mysterious female academic-alchoholic from my own hometown in mid-November Philly. I would rather prefer to stay indoors, curled up in my bed with a cup of tea or cocoa or coffee, reading, writing or yapping about things over which I have very little (read no) control.

And yes, I sleep wrapped up in my inordinately ugly blue blanket at least nine months every year. The three months I spend every year in Kolkata, during the summer, I have been known and seen to wrap myself up in a cotton shawl after 2 am. While the fan revolves over my head in maximum-speed.

I think, the word in Bangla is, sheet-kature.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Writing About Love: Why is It So Difficult?



Boy, it's so hard to write about love! Or, should I write instead, I find it hard to write about love? I mean, it kinda sou nds ridiculous, no? That very claim, that it's hard to write about love? Especially since we live in a world submerged in love poems and love lyrics? So obviously, there aren't a whole lot of poets who are having this difficulty I am having, right? I wonder, if this difficulty is also about my own discomfort about love/sexuality in real life? The fact that I can never feel at home within love itself? That I have always considered (and still do) love to be a very important site of patriarchal domination, and one of the very bases through which societies re-affirm and re-juvenate the patriarchal family? I know, lots of people I know will point me towards queer love, to the fact that lots of same-sex couples are trying to re-define family, and they are trying to do it from this very impulse to question patriarchal notions of love. I know I know I know. I know I should feel more hopeful. But is it just my problem, my inability to see the good things in life, that even in the way most queer couples i know and have met, lead their lives, there is an incredible pull towards fitting themselves within that very age-old notion of patriarchal family, while not letting go of a somewhat radical rhetoric of queerness? Not to speak of the fact that most of these people lead very consumerist lives, which never question the logic of capital even in the slightest way?

To get back to the question of writing about love, I think, one of the reasons I find it so hard, is because I have an inherent distrust of the love-language. The excessive use of the possessives in there. You are mine, I am yours kind of stuff. The politics of it. But what I am finding especially difficult is to express that distrust in poetic language and poetic forms. Probably because, poetry as a genre itself, has been so closely associated with love. The fact that poetry as a genre has facilitated, in many many ways, the institutionalization of that very love-language I find so problematic. I keep going back to Eavan Boland's prose-poem Against Love Poetry:

We were married in summer, thirty years ago. I have loved you deeply from that moment to this. I have loved other things as well. Among them the idea of women's freedom. Why do I put these words side by side? Because I am a woman. Because marriage is not freedom. Therefore, every word here is written against love poetry. Love poetry can do no justice to this. Here, instead, is a remembered story from a faraway history. A great king lost a war and was paraded in chains through the city of his enemy. They taunted him. They brought his wife and children to him--he showed no emotion. They brought his old servant--only then did he break down and weep. I did not find my womanhood in the servitudes of custom. But I saw my humanity look back at me there. It is to mark the contradictions of a daily love that I have written this. Against love poetry.


I love this one, because, amongst other things, it gives permission to me to question the idea of love poetry in my work. The text itself problematizes it. I love this sentence "marriage is not freedom," it's very close to my idea of what marriage is. But at the same time, this passage does not attempt to question marriage enough. There is an ambivalence about marriage, but there is also an acceptance of it. There is a sense of a woman's freedom coming face to face with her notions of romantic (heterosexual) love. But the lines don't push that sense of opposition enough. Instead, that feeling of contradiction is rounded out in the formulation "contradictions of daily love." As if, with problematization of all these things, there should also come a kind of acceptance. I find this acceptance deeply problematic, and er, defeatist. As a writer, this is where I want to intervene. What happens when people don't accept these contradictions as inevitable? And this is where my language is fumbling...

Friday, September 24, 2010

Revelation Friday



I am stuck with this poem I am working on. And I am anxious to get it done --- I feel I have been working on it for too long, and I need to move ahead with this chapbook project. I know that kind of anxiety is not good, but I can't help it. It seems like I know what to say, and where I want the poem to go. I have these vague images circulating inside my head, broken words, but I am struggling to put them all together in forms and language that will make me feel satisfied. At least for the time being.

I know this is very me. I get tired with projects when they drag on for too long. Although I know that in order for a writing project to culminate itself in the way I want it to, I must show up everyday, and put in bits and pieces of myself there, I am scared of that process. I am scared of the way that process exhausts me, leaves me drained, makes me feel incompetent and even embarrassed with myself at times. But it's true what I dread more is the ultimate failure. This feeling that I slogged and slogged and didn't really produce anything. Or I gave it up midway. This is something that I guess keeps me going. Consequently, in the last three years, I have only one incomplete writing project. A short story about a small-town girl that began and then realized halfway that I don't really know enough about the world I am writing about to finish it.

So, now that I have complained enough, I need to pour the tea from the kettle and sit down to write. At least try to write.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Submission Goals

I don't submit my work enough. I know I should. But I don't. Partly because I have this fear of sending my work out in the world before it's "good enough," before it's mature enough, and readable enough. Partly because in the last three years or so I have been trying to write seriously, I have met too many people who are more eager to publish than to write things that deserve to be published. Often times I am scared that I am becoming one of them. Which, for me, means that I am lacking those critical faculties which would inform me about the quality of my work. So, this is what I tell myself:

It's more important to keep going back to the writing table, than it is to seek publication.

But, then, I know it's equally important to be published, once the work is "good enough." I mean, if Toni Morrison or Pablo Neruda had kept their writings locked up in cute little journals in their reading-room drawers, I wouldn't be who am I today. So, both are equally important. Writing and publishing. I still think, it's extremely harmful for a writer to seek venues to publish one's work before it has matured fully, but once it has, it's important to work for that venue with the same enthusiasm that one has tried to seek within oneself during the process of writing.

Now, there's something that I have realized in the last one month, while working on my chapbook manuscript. Even if I think that a poem is complete now, chances are, I will get back to it, and do major revisions in the near future. In fact, two of the poems that I have been taking up lots of my revisioning time are the ones which were accepted by journals relatively easily. In short, my perceptions of a poem changes over time, and it's important to value that process.

If you're wondering, why am I engaging in this long gourchandrika, let me just get to the point: I am in an aggressive submission mode right now. My goal is to submit five of my poems to ten venues before the end of this month.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Fairytale and the Book

I have always been interested in fairytales/folktales. Partly because they were probably the first truly-formed stories with recognizable beginning, middle and end that I was introduced to. I read Tuntunir Boi, Thakumar Jhuli and a whole lot of folktale compilations coming out of Peking/Beijing and Moscow.(Did I just give out my heritage? I think, I just did. But just for the sake of record, I claim a Bengali middle-class Naxalism-smelling milieu as my true heritage. Which, I believe, makes it impossible for me to claim any ethnic heritage squarely, my readers and friends.) Anyway, I read those in Bangla, and as I began to get fluent in English, I began to read the re-tellings of Hans Christian Anderson and Grimms Brothers stories. Yep, I always thought of them as "English", until I began to be trained as a comparatist and got to know a little bit about the vexed history of folklore and the "tales." What is intriguing to me now, is that, "folktales" came to me in the form of books, not as oral artifacts. Yes, there were stories that my grandmother told me, my mother also told me which she herself happened to hear from her dad, that is, my grandfather, who died when I was only four. But my mother's way of introducing me to folktales, both Bengali and global, was to read them out to me from books. So, in my imagination, fairytales have always been associated with the book. The book as a material object. The book as a form of re-telling. And also, when I think of the book as a mode of re-telling the fairy-tale, I am not just referring to the stories, told in words and alphabets, but also the pictures. If my experience is anything to go by, the illustration in children's books play an important role in telling the story, in giving the children important pointers as to how to interpret the story itself. And those pointers are often visual in their very nature.

I am thinking about these questions more and more as I am working through my manuscript of poems. I started out with the intention of re-telling some of the fairytales/folktales that have appealed to me. Pointing out the gaps, filling them in. But now, I am thinking, that a mere attempt to re-tell these tales isn't enough. I will have to think through a lot of these things in much more details. There are lots of complexities within these forms, within the very processes through which I got acquainted with these forms, which can form the basis of very interesting poem-projects. But for that, I will have to move beyond the mere "re-telling" mode. This morning, I have been reading this micro-essay by Barbara Jane Reyes. I am especially intrigued by her concluding lines:

I don't know where the belief that spoken word is not poetry was bom, how it has been cultivated and propagated, but I do know that spoken word artists have been othered as the fictitious line has been drawn between them and the poets. When talking to students, I don't have the time to linger on where this cleaving began. Instead, let me refer to Juan Felipe Herrera's 2005 lecture, "A Natural History of Chicano Literature":

Your friends, and your associates, and the people around you, and the environment that you live in, and the speakers around you...and the communicators around you, are the poetry makers. If your mother tells you stories, she is a poetry maker. If your father says stories, he is a poetry maker. If your grandma tells you stories, she is a poetry maker. And that's who forms our poetics.1

This is a fairly self-explanatory statement that I try my best to impart to them. Poetry is not meant to be locked up in inaccessible spaces. Poetry is about paying attention, not just to the stories all around us, but also and especially to how these stories are being told.


While there are lots of things that are of relevance to me here, what I am especially concerned with, at this point, is her concluding sentence. We, as poets and writers, need to pay attention to "how these stories are being told." So, if that's the case, then it becomes an imperative that I pay attention to THE BOOK too, when I am trying to engage with the very tradition of fairy-tales. At the same time, when my mother read these stories out loud to me, wasn't she also exercising a kind of orality, which is different from the talk-story tradition, but nonetheless interrelated?

Now, what it means for me now is that, I need to work harder on this project. Read more, write more, push myself more. Oh well...

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Hibijibi I



This is what you produce when you're tired of manufacturing words...

Monday, September 20, 2010

Solitude/Community

"My solitude was an illusion. No poet, however young or disaffected, writes alone. It is a connected act. The words on the page, though they may appear free and improvised, are on hire. They are owned by a complicated and interwoven past of language, history, happenstance." Writes Eavan Boland in her book Object Lessons: The Life of the Woman and the Poet in Our Time. The name of the particular essay is Turning Away. I have been thinking about this weird connection between writerly solitude and this feeling of being an integral part of a collective for the last few days too. On the one hand, I need my solitude. To write, to read, to unpack. Yes, I like to write in the middle of bumbling coffee-shops. Yet, I hate it when coffee-shops have loud and intrusive music. I hate it too when they put up music which I am especially drawn too. It is, as if, the music outside will prevent me from tapping into the music I nurture inside, and can only hope will be translated into words on the page. But at the same time I know this music inside me that I am writing about here, couldn't have been possible if I haven't really lived a collective life. It is what I inherited from this world, from human existence collectively lived and experienced. Then there are other things too. As I keep working on my manuscript, I can't really leave out the question of the collective, the history, the "interwoven past," as Boland terms it. Especially since I am working on re-interpretations of fairy-tales/folktales, I keep thinking of the communities. What kind of communities told these tales? How many versions were there? What were the versions that were excluded when these stories made the transition from the mouth to the page? What is the role of the folklorist here? So, there is no way I can think of my work, however insignificant it is, as being a product of my solitary creation. When I am writing, I am also continuously thinking of the ways in which I want my writing to re-interpret the existing stories. And re-interpretation itself cannot necessarily exist without interpretation. In that sense, I am adding my voice, my narratives, my specific modes of representing these stories into an already-existing archive. I am trying to insert myself and my voice into a community of people for whom these stories/tales have meant something.