Revelation Friday

I am super un-cool.

I would rather sit in a coffee-shop and read, or just stay home to read and write than going out to a party with folks who I do not necessarily know or know very well.

I hate having to make small-talks in parties, I do not dance, I do not drink myself silly, and most importantly, I am scared of the awkward silences that invariably accompany the conversations absolute strangers are trying to make in a "social" setting.

I do like hanging out with people I know well and love. I do like to meet new people through friends and dear ones. I do enjoy meeting people while doing things that I find intellectually, politically, artistically interesting. Yes, I have developed interesting friendships with people I have met in workshops, in literary events, rallies and sometimes even in fb. When we had a common cause and an interest to share. But just meeting people for the sake of meeting new people doesn't necessarily interest me.

You can also say, YOU ARE SO NOT SOCIAL! And I will accept. But then, I also love to talk when I am familiar with the folks around, and the issue/topic of the conversation interests me. At the same time, I will rarely be that person in a party or an adda who says the wittiest things, around whom everyone flocks and who can endear everyone very very quickly. More likely I will be the girl who sits in a corner, nursing one drink for a long long time, smiling sweetly, and mostly being quiet.

But it's also true that there are times when I decide to open my mouth. And when I do, others tend to stop talking. And when I finish, most responses are kind of like, Well, that was interesting or that was indeed compelling. I have realized that without always meaning to, I often end up directing people's attention to the most uncomfortable aspect of a phenomenon or a text. In the same vein, without always realizing that I am doing it, what I would say would end up de-bunking or de-familiarizing things that others are celebrating, or at least trying not to see. I blame it on my possessing four eyes!

Yes, I am the queen of dense, intense conversations, and I refuse to apologize for it. And since parties aren't essentially meant for such intensities, I would rather go to a coffee-shop with soft music and have a long, intense conversation with friends who stimulate my intellectual and emotional imagination.

And especially now, after I have begun to take my writing more seriously, I have lost the urge to engage in small talk even more so. I prefer talking to white pages than to people with whom I have to force a conversation out of myself.

Now that I think I have revealed enough for one morning, I need to go back to my writing projects! For, no human being waits for me as eagerly as they do!