Some Thoughts on the Phelna Story

My friend SD had some interesting readings of the Phelna-story. According to her, the narrative flows well. The story also shows a good grasp of the different kinds of voices, but what I don't have is the right amount of action to go with that. Now, that's something I have come across before. I am not someone who packs lots of actions within the lines. And elsewhere I have talked about this "pro-action" approach. But, I do think, in this case, this was something I myself was also feeling before I sent it out to her. So, I am not surprised. Now, basically, I need to find more trouble for Phelna. I need to land her in the midst of more confusion, and maybe might even have to introduce another character or two.

My initial thoughts were to land Phelna in the middle of a other group of kids, and then have her learn through some playground violence about her father's death. I even thought, maybe I can link that knowledge with her mother Anu's over-protectiveness of her. Maybe have a scene where Phelna comes and asks her mother about what she has learnt from her friends, thus causing Anu to freak out. It's possibly, then, that Anu frames the lie about her father being merely away. Now, I do think this can be a valid testing-ground. But then, I have another story about playground-violence, and I don't want to have two stories going on within very similar settings. As it is, my stories so far are dealing with a very narrow set of people to begin with.

Now, I am thinking, what if I bring in a servant-figure? A girl, slightly older than Phelna, but not much? Who stays in their home almost for nothing, in exchange of some food and shelter? And who lets it out to Phelna that she has no father? Then, when Phelna will ask her Mom about it, it will cause this other girl to lose her job, and will also lead Anu to unleash all these protectiveness? But then, what it will do is, force Phelna to reside within this realm of knowing and not-knowing, and maybe at the end of the story Phelna will realize something about her father's death!

This second one, right now, seems like a more exciting choice. It will mean that I have to deal with lots of different things, not the least of which is class, and all these zig-zag intersections of occurrences. That will also mean that I push the limits of the existing narrative further. And...and...that means, an increase in the number of words...meaning, another longer short story. But, I guess, the material demands that I spread myself a little bit more. And I will just have to wait and begin to work, and see where it takes me. At this point, I am feeling slightly better to have been able to think this through, but I am also feeling intimidated by all the extra-work I will need to do because of it.

But then, that IS the nature of this work, isn't it